Well folks, I’m using a fork again. And not just on my hair. Over the past few days I’ve had some solid foods. They’ve had to be moist ( a god-awful word, I know) because my mouth is still very dry and my saliva is pasty (perhaps an even worse word). I can only manage a few bites, not an entire meal, but this is progress given where I was a week ago. I’ve found some success with watermelon, over easy eggs, well dressed salad (romaine lettuce only), tzatziki yogurt, peaches… In short, anything with a high water content that sort of salivates for you (man, do I feel sorry for my readers who are not, themselves, recovering from oral radiation. These past few posts must be a total bore. If I happen to have any readers who are recovering from oral radiation, take heart. Things do improve, albeit gradually). I’d say food tastes about 70% the way it used to. Chewing and swallowing remain slow and effortful, so eating still isn’t really a source of pleasure. But I’m beginning to believe it might be again someday…
It’s funny, I have a newfound wariness of that word (i.e., someday). Of the future in general, really. I don’t know whether I can lean into it fully–whether it will support me. So much of what I used to to take for granted has become a big IF… If the treatment worked… If my next scans are clear… It’s hard to inhabit the conditional and contingent, despite the fact that this is where we always already are. I’m treading lightly, I guess you could say, my heart a kind of rookery where the birds are liable to startle and take flight at any minute. A tall drink is definitely in order.
Well, then 